Yes, I MIA for a long while. Been extremely drained and tired with the amount of work to finish up. BUT, life is full of fun and joy as well. With such wonderful people God placed around me, how tough can life be? :)

Let's not talk about the past weeks, okay fine, short summary. Bukit Timah hill with CG, Skipping class to hibernate in the library, Church with kor and bethia, lunch with kors, Shern and bethia, Chilling out with kim and meiteng for supper till 2am. Sleep at 3am 4am everynight, missed two espid of my forensic show. :( OH yes, my FYP showcase is over, a good one. But need to re-do documentation. :(


Okay, let's fast forward and talk about IGNITE!'09 yesterday. Its was my 1st time directing a live big event. Yes, frustrations and all aside, I'm really glad that I did it. Thanks leng for praying and really thank God for being there. I really think I was mentally very strong. :) With all the people behind me shouting and telling me what to do, I can mentally shut them up and focus on my own style and trying to listen to the tempo and visualizing all the shots. Pretty tough but it was definitely fun. Really am thankful too to MT and Bf bob, so encouraging . I really feel encouraged and well knowing that they are there for me and worried for me too. AWESOME.
 

 

Other than work, its still work nowadays. Someone text me out of the blue the other day.. I don't know, sometimes I wonder whats the big picture like. Faith. I guess.

Sometimes I really feel like a little girl trying to conquer the world. Doing so many things and working so hard. I am so stubborn at times and I really don't like it when others use the hard approach to me. Life is a maze, love is a riddle. And indeed, I really can't figure out. I wish I know, I wish I can understand whatever is happening now. But yet I know, I know Someone Bigger is there, in control. Of the things I can't see and making it the best for me. I..I just need to keep believing and trusting in the Big Guy.


TEO WANTING.
20 years old, loves yellow. Silly and funny, innocent and blur. Cranky and loves fairy tales.




Hey babe! ;) Thanks.
Knowing you has been one of the biggest blessings from  Daddy above ever. Your joys, your laughters, the way you have grown in so many ways as well has been such awesome encouragement to me. Seeing you becomes stronger and not avoiding things in life really makes me smile. :) Jiayou okay, last lap for FYP alr! 


*


LEONG MEI TENG
20 years old, black woman. Straight to the point. Enjoy disturbing others but brings joy.

Note: NO PHOTO. TOO unglam, livejournal can't process.

Hey MEI NU :) love. So SO HAPPPY to have know you better in Poly. I remember the times we quarrel and stare at each other in secondary school. :) Thanks girl. For being willing to share, talk and laugh together. I like the way you are so direct because it helps in a lot of situations. :) FYP might be annoying and tiring, but jiayou tooo yup. After that we go CHILL okay, at your fav bar. LOL. :)



*

When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.
 

 

After all these years of working hard, helping others to move along, I look back and I wonder.. I sighed.
I feel like I'm still standing at the same spot, not heading anywhere. I look ahead of me and I saw those people I helped and many running ahead of me, moving on good.

...



I need to be moving somewhere.

 

 
*I thought I saw something good in you, but I was very wrong.*

With all the big deals going on about H1N1 and being on LOA and sick for days, I re-realized one thing. That whether you are sad, not sad, sick, not sick, the workload will never stop piling up. We can try to get as much rest as we can, but at the back of my mind, I know that my workload is still there. Its so not gonna go away. I should really stop procrastinating and be more productive.



The song "Heal the world" has been playing so often at the back of my mind now, its like stuck there. And every time I listen to it and hum to myself unknowingly (at times), I have this weird feeling. I don't know how to explain. Sometimes I really think that life is too short to fight over small matters. There is really people out there who are really suffering, I don't understand why sometimes we still choose to fight over small insignificant issues, we still choose to remain silent and hold onto grudges. Why is it so hard to apologize, to work things out and even to let go and move on? As compared to the world out there, my problems seem so much smaller. Was just feeling pretty overwhelmed recently with the many responsibilities, workload, deadlines and relationship issues. For the longest time, I've been thinking.. thinking about my strengths and talents. But for the longest time, I still can't figure that out, I don't have an answer. But I need to know. I'm starting to drown.. in my own expectations.


Well, been long since I can type so freely in my cosy bedroom. (: And I still enjoy every moment of sitting here and typing, staring into the screen, listening to music and pondering about things, about life, about love. I just wanna freeze the time, just sitting here and doing whatever I want. Endless movies to watch, endless songs to playback, countless conversations, priceless photos and memories to revisit and look at, a penny for my thoughts. I miss those moments when I was busy yet I know where I was heading. ;) I'm praying that God will lead the way again and that I will stop trying to figure and run my own way. And my eyes shall look upon You, always. 




I just want to fly, away from all.

Landon: Can you find this star, right here?
Jamie: Sure. So why am I looking for this star?
Landon: Because I had it named for you.


 "Jamie saved my life. She taught me everything. About life, hope and the long journey ahead. I'll always miss her. But our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it."
-Landon, A walk to Remember.

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

*
 

All raw images, no post production work done yet.
My Thursday, completed with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
;)

 

 

*

"Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing."
-Optimus Prime





 

Been a week! Haha, planned to update some of the happenings during the week but I keep procrastinating.. aw. So here in summary, I had FYP meetings and IT show work during the school break. Don't really want to talk about Fyp in details, but yea its going alrights. IT show was another happy thing! ; ) Its been 3months since I last saw so many of them. On the last day, cab home with some of the girls, we talked about how 3months later we will see each other again! And I really do miss them and I miss working at IT show although its just a 4days thing. I like the busyness and I enjoy the freedom and love the company. Oh and did I mention, my dearest sweetheart BOB was working together with me in this show!


Chelsea's failed shot #1







My beloved princess ;) ohman..I bet you can tell my tiredness from the picture..
Now, I miss chelsea! She's really adorable and the best thing is she listens to me and is really helpful. Damm, she is really active too. Her hugs and random running over to me at the end corner really brightens up my day ;) She's my energy bar.



*



I received an unexpected phone call recently. Follow up by an unexpected SMS. That morning, something just came to my mind and I just prayed on the bus. I told God, whatever His plan, it will be. And then the call came. It was a quite confusing experience..I don't know what to expect, and yes although it came as a shock, a really big one, I remembered some months ago, I hope something like that will happen. But it was months ago..not now, at this crucial point of Fyp and other projects plus when I'm slowly getting so much better already. Thank God that I wasn't alone when the call came, love the way Jo and my team mates are there. ;) 

Sigh. Its a 'no, I don't want to and yes, I'm glad the call came' kinda of feeling. Like what bf bob remind me of what I said to her before, "There's no turning back, no turning back." I think its choosing to make a firm decision to guard myself and be more aware of who I can trust and what I can believe in again. I had gone though too much to want to go back to Square 1. Really.


*








Not going to say much, but you know that I am always here.
;)


*


There's much more to say, thoughts still running but I'll keep the rest for laters. I miss bethia, I wish I am with her now at Australia. ;( I'd rather fly, anytime.



 

*

I'm slowly getting closure..
And now I'm picking up the pieces;

;) fake it.



*



 

(: Joy is not in things, its in us.

Thanks for remembering that  I don't like chocolate cakes and any other for that matter, except this. : ) and for just being there. It means a lot :*)











Just some of the things that makes life more enjoyable and yongling happier.  ;) More reasons to thank God for everything.



School break this week isn't  as stressful as I expected it to be.. fun and work have been rather balanced. And today was good, spending time with Bethia and meeting up a few for supper. :D Haven't catch up with them in the longest time man, and I'm glad I did today. Laughter really do bring the distance closer ;)


My mind needs to go on a vacation, too many things been visiting my mind recently. Explainable and non-explainable. (: But I'm okay, just thought that it would be really nice if my mind can stop thinking and go on a vacation for at least a day :D How rewarding eh. Anyways, no matter how bad things are at times, its always assuring and I like that warm and fuzzy feeling of knowing that I've friends arnd who bothers and cares, and knows me. Such love and comfort, sometimes it just feels so undeserving... yet  for all that, I know God loves me very much.


By the way, I really want to fly now.
Bummer.





How true. :*)
 

//


Stay over at Bf bob's awesome :)
I love all the small talks and the way we know what's on each other mind just by those stares. Photos will be up when she finally decide to spend some time sending them to me and not smiling to herself all day infront of her laptop, staring at her Facebook Rest.City and waiting impatiently for the phone to ring. Ha, well, that's her. And that's when I love her. More SUNTANNING! 



Fyp's alrights, need to rush more. The need to be more organized..






*




I feel like a little girl, trying to conquer the whole wide world.
&&
 

I guess everything in life will help you to come to a point where you realized that nothing is yours to begin with. (: Nothing's gonna be certain, nothing will remain the same and of course nothing can stay within our control. What we have to learn throughout the years of growing up is.. to face it. Deal with the changes, embrace the challenges and face the situations. School work has been piling up recently that I don't really have the time for myself and the time to just sit down and rest, to think deeper into things. These few mins of typing is accompanied by my workload on my right staring at me.


I think for us to hold on to something too tightly is foolish.. because we can't take control of everything and we will just lose it in time to come. Like I said, nothing stays the same and we cannot hold onto something forever . Humans' expectations of each other only gets higher when the relationship becomes closer. We should manage expectations.. and not the other way round when we let our expectations of self and others fail us. I don't feel good seeing people around me so emo-ish and not the best. Yet I know everyone has their own moments. : ) Sigh. Maybe just need that something special to brighten up everyone's busy life a little. But what's that gonna be? Awww.


*


Took Shern's car back just now, and was just reading notes and also resting in the car. Everytime I close my eyes and rest in car rides, it feels so like I'm in daddy's car. I remember I used to fall asleep when daddy's driving and refuses to wake up when I reach house carpark. : ) I remember how I love going to petrol kiosk with daddy cause I like the smell of petrol, haha. Those were the days.. and I remember how I used to cry when daddy has to leave house in the morning for work and when he has to travel overseas. *hugs* Indeed, everyone can be a father, but not everyone can be a Dad. Mine is.



*
For two extra special sisters in my life..you girls matter alot :)
Especially for you! 
Beloved Mei Teng :D

This bday was more than special (:
Someone broke the record.
Thanks guys for all the wishes, celebrations and thoughts. Really am v v v touched :D
Photos on Facebook. x)

*
Rundown..



Thank you Bestf.Jerry :D 



















Thank You. *BOW*


Thank God for each of you who put in much effort, time, care and love into making my birthday a special and important one and for making me smile. (: I really appreciated it. Every year I would not look forward to my birthday because I do not want to expect anything and I felt that there isn't a need to celebrate. But all of you made this year really different, allowing me to realize that in the midst of busyness, I'm still remembered.
The way you all show me that I'm worth it, makes me wanna cry :D


Pris Ch'ng Yi Linus Cindy Valery Germs
Thank you, for remembering and for taking the time to come down : ) And germs, you can't hide your car! HAHA. You guys make the whole celebration even more fun! I miss just sitting at cana hall and chilling with you peeps.



Sarah Lucille Vera
Hey darlings! My gosh, trust me when I say I'm surprised and really glad to see you girls walking out of the kitchen. Its like WOW. : ) Thank you so much, you know what I mean. Through the many years of being in a same Cg, struggling and fighting together to now being in different Cgs leading and heading different ministries, I thank God for you. The way we are all, :) stay strong and remb what we said before, meeting up for tea/coffee with our kids! HAHA (:



Caleb Leng Weisheng Shern
The threes that I'm supposed to meet for supper. (: Thank you for your creative juices,really. I would say that its really quite hard to surprise me and you all did! And thank you for inviting those that I honestly wish and hope to celebrate my birthday with. Really am touched.



Joshua Frankie Sam
:D JOY! I'm really overjoyed to see you kors arnd. Was just saying how much I haven't been spending time with you all and you brothers are surely one of the peeps I truly want to spend my birthday with. Man, you guys need to know that you play such important roles in my life : ) Wouldn't be the same with your guidance and precious investment of time in my life. Loved.



Colin Boss Joel
Hey all (: XIE XIE. 28th May wouldn't feel so complete without having you guys arnd, to chill, laugh and dinner together. Thank you :D I know that we all are tired and you guys try so hard to make me smile and feel important.  And I do, really! : ) *bow* Thankyou for the jelly beans and the time spent, for taking leave from work and for staying on even though not feeling good. Trust me, you guys are important! 



Rachel Xiu Xian Angeline Gregory Ilbert Shawn
:D Thanks for the little surprise at Aijisen and even eating together after a long tiring Mid Point Assessment. :D You bunch of peeps make Poly life so entertaining and joyful and so much easier to live through :) Trust me, Poly life would be so different without you guys. :D MALAYSIA TRIP LER!



Boyfriend Bob
:D Nothing much to say, cause you know right. Some things are just so unexplainable by words! Don't feel bad for not being able to join me on the actual day. All the other days are enough! :D :D Can't wait for sunday.



Lastly, for the Auntie that makes all these ever more realistic..

Mei Teng (:
Hey babe, thankyou. Man, I can't say thank you enough for all the effort you put into making the surprise really a surprise. Thank you for knowing the kind of cakes I like and for knowing me well to be able to trick me. :D
AI SI NI LE LAH.
love.


*


It's been a few months and I'm glad that I'm over it now.
There were many times through these months that I allow flashbacks and memories to re surface and I dwell on them for awhile...then snap*, back into reality. Walking arnd Vivo City wasn't one without thoughts... but I'm truly and honestly glad that I have create new memories there now with awesome bunch of people. Some things are just not worth the fight. And this it it. : ) Guess all the lessons learnt in life makes us all a stronger person, the scars remind us of what we can and what we shouldn't believe in, and warn us of the things that will hurt us. Dragging the memories down the hall, I'm not gonna walk the same path anymore ;)
Putting my heart back together.






*

Focusing on the more important and urgent things now, my G301, my Cg, work and school. Of course family and beloved friends : ) The rest is just gonna be history.

























And hey, thanks too. I don't care whether you believe anot, but I just want to that I do appreciate your effort in getting the gifts and coming down all the way. ( : I'm sorry for the way you are feeling now. You keep thinking that talking and trying wouldn't help, there's nothing  I can do..yup. I've done my part, there is nothing I want to say at all. Anyways, thanks.

*


It's funny how the world functions and how humans face the same thing but having different responses. I'm so zapped out of energy now that I don't know what I want to type. There are just so many things floating all arnd and trying to occupy and squeeze into this little space in my mind. Overwhelmed x9876522211.


No, not that word. I'm not emo. I'm just tired. I don't want my birthday to even come..don't ask me why. (: I'm so tempted to ask, why changes? But yet deep down I know the answer, I know the reasons to so many things that sometimes I can't even ask myself whys. I hate changes, then again who likes them. But I really dislike changes, yet I do know that changes can be good. I dislike the way friendship changes and human attitudes change. I dislike the fact that nothing is fixed, I dislike the fact that others always misunderstood me. Awww, then again, I know, I know. No one is perfect, and God is constant.


:) Anyways, I really thank God for the people arnd me, encouraging and walking alongside. Things will get better, I'm sure. I will update again, so many things to talk about. I can't, I really can't anymore.





Good nights world.
loved;

(:
Positive thinking 501.

*

Old and Vintage feel.









My fav postcard kinda of shot.
I like.

*

Thank God UT today was postponed, really really.
I'm too tired to update more now, physically and mentally tired. Too sick of repeating the same things over and over. (: Haven't felt so overwhelmed in a long time..breathe.



Side note: I love wanting and meiteng! :) Thankyou for listening to me whine and complain these weeks, for hugging me when you know that that's all I need.



"The world always looks brighter from behind a smile."
:D Its just the start of the journey! 

Happy Birthday, Greg! :D Really, you've been a great friend and I hope you realized that. From the bottom of my heart, :).
Don't change and try to change because of other things, be yourself. You should be accepted and appreciated by being you, the nice and kind one, not trying to be someone else.


*

















Its the small things that made such a big difference. Its the small things that matters..
Chocs, sweets, cookies, laughter, walking out of school tog, catching up over meals and studying sessions together. Its the joy of facing things together! 

Thank you all, for reminding me that I'm not alone in this battle. Be it school work or personal. I feel so loved, or should I say, I'm so loved. :) We'll work hard together, it will be over real soon! No idea how much I really do appreciate you all.



Thank You Daddy, I know I'm loved. :D
You hold my future, and that's assuring enough.

I pick up the book that I left on my table for really long today, to read on the train while I was travelling to Art Friend. And amazingly, when I flip open to where my bookmark was that marked my last reading session, the chapter reads: A Forgiving Heart. And I smiled! How timely. :)
Its a short chapter of like 3page? I think its really interesting, please try to read on, Im sure it wil benefit you as much as it encourages me. Just thought that I really want to share:


15. A Forgiving Heart

During the last hours of this age, there will be two opposing factions in the world: those whose hearts are wrought with biterness, resentment, and hatred and those who love has actualy increased and who are experiencing the power of the kingdom of God. Jesus foretold these conditions in Matthew. "Many will fall away and will deliver up one another and hate one another... And because lawlessness [iniquity] is increased, most people's love will grow cold." (Matt 24:10-12). But then He added, "This gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in the whole world for a witness to all the nations, and then the end shall come." (Matt 24:14)

What is this "gospel of the kingdom"? It is the whole truth that Jesus came to bring, not only that which saves us from our sins but also that which creates us in His image. It is the full gospel with all its requirements and all its rewards - the full price for the full power. It is the most glorious pearl that man can possess: the Presence of God in glory revealed within and among us.




Thus, if we are to attain this great love, we will continually be forced to make the choice between mercy and unforgiveness. If we do not walk in a forgiving attitude, we will certainly become prey to an embittered spirit. If it is, indeed, God's plan to allow wickedness and holiness to grow simultaneously to full maturity, then we must guard our hearts beforehand from reacting in bitterness and unforgiveness. The increasing lawlessness will certainly give us occasions to lose love.

Yet, just to survive in this cruel world, we often withdraw from the vulnerability of love. We cannot choose cautious, selective love and also walk in the power of God's kingdom. To counter pain, we unconsciously shut down our love, for it is love that makes us vulnerable. God wants us to be a people whose love is growing hot, not cold.

Jesus did not say we had to trust our enemies, but He did say that we are to love them. You ask, "Why?" One reason God allows difficulties is to test us. He wants to see if our christianity is merely an intellectual pursuit or if following Him is truly the highest passion of our hearts. Thus, He tells us to "love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you." (Matt 5:44)




Some of you have gone through rejection and betrayal, but the Lord says you did not fail. You have continued to love. Although you went through great pain, you have forgiven those who have hurt you. You have passed the test.
Some of you still have certain individuals in our lives that we have not forgiven and whom we do not love. Perhaps you are right; they do not deserve your forgiveness. But, what you do not realize is the consequences of your anger.

As long as you refuse to forgive, a part of you is trapped in the past where you are continually being reminded of your pain. Even the calendar season in which you were hurt stimulates depression and foreboding! Until you forgive, you will not be fully released to go on with your life.

There is only one way we can have true fellowship with God, and that is in the "here and now." But when your mind is harboring unforgiveness, you are neither in the "here" nor in the "now." When you live in th past, you are cut off from God. What they did to you is over. It is done. It does not have any real existence or life of its own except in your mind.

There, within you, the conflict continues to live, and as long as it lives, you are still being hurt by it. The person who wounded you may have long since died. That person cannot be blamed, for you are the one who keeps your wounds alive!

Not only is the quality of your spiritual life affected, but your physical well-being pays a price as well. As long as you keep holding on to the burden of what someone did to you, each time you think about that person your stomach acids churn and your anxiety increases. Your body is continually put under stress. If you do not forgive those who have hurt you, you will lose a measure of your capacity to love. Whether theu deserve forgiveness or not, you deserve a better life! And God wants to give you a better life. But you cannot enjoy abundant life while carrying unforgiveness, for you are shackled to something that hurts you, and your own unforgiveness tortures you.

How do you get out of that prison? How do you find the protection of God for your soul? God calls you to forgive. You must see the hands of God reaching to you in the midst of your pain. He wants to redeem that conflict, using that specific adversity to perfect character in you. It will be this event that He will use to make you like Christ.

Each time you say "Father, I choose to love; I choose to forgive; I choose to forget and not hold bitterness and unforgiveness against that person," you are taking on Christ's nature. Rejoice! Jesus is taking over your heart! You are entering the stronghold of God.


- The stronghold of God, Francis Frangipate


(: Hope it encourages your heart. I know you know what I mean.




Listening to songs and going to places bring you back to the memory lane.. Flashbacks. But I thank God for brand new day everyday, that  I can wake up everyday knowing that its a new start, new begining. Nothing to hold onto of the past, but more to lok forward to. It will get better. (: Things might be a lot different now, even with the closest peeps ard. Gonna continue to be strong :)
Think happy thoughts!

 

Zhao Wei & Me
My friendly small giant :D



(: I can't say how much I really treasure these friendships.The late night suppers, the late night card games, the late night studying and hanging out and sharing. Nothing will replaced those joy, laughter and tears. I really thank God for each of you. Indeed, we all know that there's always changes, but God never change, right? So many times, I just want to say that God still cares, and I still care. Dont ever think that you are less important or less of value, because God view us the same and He loves us the same. And as a dear sister, I'm praying and have been that Christ be in the center of these friendships. (:


I wouldn't say or overlook the fact that you are hurt thats why you are reacting like this now, but I pray that God will continue to be gloirfied in all our friendships. Pause for awhile, in the midst of hurts, anger and upset-ness, think. When is it about us to begin with? Perhaps we should be asking God what He wants us to learn in the midst of all these instead of pin pointing the faults of others and being defensive. Allow me to say this in humlilty, because I'm also embarking on this journey together with the rest as well. I think it takes alot to want to mend broken relationships because its like opening up the old wounds that we cover up for so long. Sure, it will hurt truckloads, But one thing we know for sure, is that He is still on the throne. And He has our best interests at heart. Would you trust Him for the best? Pride comes before a down fall. I seriously hope you understand what I mean, we all tried right. But its not about who win or who lose now, or who tried more or less, its about having Christ as the center. If it matters to you, it matters to God. And if it matters to you, you wouldn't give up at all. I feel so helpless and just can't say enough what is on our mind, and I'm praying that one day you will fully understand. Choose to glorify God.


Words are just so limited in times like these.



MONDAY, 11 May 2009
Dearest yellow princess made my day today! (:
With subway and being herself, love.






Hey darling princess (: You are so loved, please know that. Let it sink deeeeeeep.

Thankyou for eating with me TODAY althou you are like damm tired already, pls know I really appreciate it. (:
Girl, I know you are going through alot now, and I don't think anything I say will make you much better. But remb what I told you about Daddy knows best? (: Its true, and I'm praying for you. Without rocky paths in life, we wouldn't learn to appreciate the smooth journey. With things going our way all time, we wouldn't learn the lessons of being patient and waiting. In times of waiting, is where we learn a lot more things about ourselves and knowing more clearly what we wants in life. And is also where we become better person, =)
Life is full of choices, and its not just about making the right decisions. Its about following through and facing the decisions you made. I am with you, (: praying, walking, crying. Don't ever give up, it WILL pass. love you dearly :D



*

Amidst all the battles, He's still in control. And this fact shall keep me smiling and joyful in all that I do. No matter how hard and helpless the situation might seems now, He is still worthy.

For now, I'm gonna conquer this G301 monster and my 4 other modules creatures. Only by grace, and extra strength.


Pray.